So, in signing out of my hotmail this morning (yes, I still have hotmail) I was tempted by their stupid USA Today style links to click on a story about a skater giving birth 2 days after being declared brain dead. I was treated to / abused by / amused by / outraged by the following lede:

In life, Jayne Campbell Soliman was a champion ice skater. Two days after being declared brain dead, she became something greater.

She became a mother.

Full link.
Ponder that for a moment. I can think of about 8 interesting/horrible things about that lede. I just want you all to know that if die tragically, and if I somehow manage to do something extraordinary in this life, I would like you all to tell the obits people that I want that accomplishment minimized by my gender and/or sexuality. Possible ways:

In life, Zach Summers cured cancer. 5 years after a tragic woodchipper accident, he became something greater.
Via artificial insemination, he became a father.

Or, to go full-on ironic:

In life, Zach Summers battled against gender discrimination. 4 months after a small carload of clowns beat him into a coma over a foam nose dispute, he became something greater.
He became an uncle.

Cripes. Even FoxNews' sports coverage pisses me off.

Well...

Won't somebody say something? This is just getting awkward, sitting around in silence.

Fine, fine. I'll work on it.